how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
