I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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