he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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