so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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