So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
