i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
