am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I will pee on everything he values.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
