this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
