whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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