Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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