I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
