Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
