I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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