how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We just shotgunned beers for America
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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