when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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