If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize