Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Randomize
