That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
