His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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