Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
