Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
