I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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