you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You may now shotgun with the bride
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
