Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
