worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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