I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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