im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
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I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
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We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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