Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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