just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
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