I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
