I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I deserve this hangover.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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