Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
The ass gains better be worth it
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