One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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