i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
