sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
