On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
tell your sister to shave her snatch
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
