It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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