He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
