Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
