Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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