I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
