When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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