Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
