Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
