I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize