we have pet lesbian snakes
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Alive.
So much puke
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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