Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
