So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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