I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
