you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
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Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
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Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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