why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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