Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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