so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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