You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize