The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
