i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
