I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
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He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
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This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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