You work out of a Hotel?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
lets start a swedish sibling band together
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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