In the future we'll all be gay
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
