I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I smell stomach acid.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
