i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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