and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
