I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
