now i know why i became what i already was.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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