Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
