Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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