i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
