I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
