You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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