somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
