this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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