I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
