What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
