i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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