drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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