P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
