I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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