Where is the hickey?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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