Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
