Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
