Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
