I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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