I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
