Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
