Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
