if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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